I would like to share my own opinion on this article and as well as my experience growing up. I believe in balance rather than being extremest (black and white) since sometimes life offers many gray areas. Like Mr Myagi from Karate kid says "Whole life has a balance" If you look at Western and Chinese(loosely used term, not just Chinese) parenting both have pros and cons. If we can find perfect balance between the two you will have success. I think Neither Chinese nor Westerners are extremest but they both have their primary ways of teaching.
Kinda like Republicans and Democrats. Anyways, let me list out some pros and cons here.
Chinese Parenting
Pros:Makes a child more disciplined and high expectations
Cons:Makes child more robot like
Western Parenting
Pros: Gives child more freedom
Cons:Everyone is special and therefore not high bar
I think the child needs both discipline and high expectations and also freedom to make their own choice and destiny.
Let me explain the above example with few little examples from my life. When I started school my Mom took my Academic standing very serious, she was very involved with everything I was doing. I am not sure whether it was because she was a college drop-out and wanted me not to be like her or wanted her son to be smarter than her friends kids or perhaps out of love for my well-being and future. Anyways, I remember very clear when my Mom found out that my handwriting was really bad. Handwriting was very important in the first and second grade of school. I think I got C or something and she cried all day and was really disappointed with me. I was so scared that she was crying and that I did something horrible. So she dropped 2 pounds of rice mixed with millet(shar budaa) on the floor and asked me to pick them up and put rice into one bowl and millet into another bowl. She said I could not do anything else until I finished that task.She was next to me the whole time watching me pick up rice and millet pieces one by one as I was sorting. It took me so much effort and time to do it. I did not understand why she made me to do it, but I was afraid and did it to make my Mom happy or not angry at me. However, later I learned that the exercise helped me with my hand coordination and my handwriting improved significantly. Everyday she made me write page after page until my handwriting was perfect. When I say perfect I mean PERFECT, the kind that looks better than books. After much hardwork with me, I not only got A's all the time, but also I became the student with best handwriting in the entire school. I received so many diplomas, certifications, and prizes from my handwriting. I learned that when I make effort and dedication and hardwork for something I can achieve anything.
After that achievement I felt so good about myself and how I can do everything. If my mom just simply told me I had naturally bad handwriting and gave up i would never learn that lesson of working hard for your dream pays off.
Another thing she taught me was "high expectation" or should I say perfect expectation?. When I get home she always asks what grade I got that day. If I tell her B or lower she go crazy and tells me I need to get A and how lazy I am etc. So I was always so afraid of her I worked so hard and always got A and when I do get B I studied harder and got A. But soon when I got older she stopped asking me my grade. After I finished 5th grade or something when I come home after test or exam she will say:"You got A right?" How can you say no to that question. Because of this high expectation I did expect more out of myself and I always made myself believe that I was A student. and yes I did get A and say Yes to her questions. When I started my college she stopped asking me questions although I was still getting A's; By then I did not need someone to expect me to get A, I already developed my own high expectation model for myself and understood that the grades I get for those exams are for me and my future and started to be grateful for my Mom for her hard-work and not giving up on me when I had bad handwriting and not motivated.
I guess in my opinion Chinese Mom does not necessary talking about physical abuse and torture because that would be for her benefit. It is more like disciplining your child by any means(of course not to hurt them) for their good. We are product of how we are raised. Most of the fundamental lessons we learn are from our parents not from school.
Some kindergarten teacher's comment in response to Professor Chua was that parents are like government to its people until they grow up. Anyways it is up to you to decide how you want to raise your children. But if you find balance between the 2 different styles and take their pros and neglect the cons you will be a winner.
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